It seems obvious to state that safety is required when it comes to doing transformative healing work. Beyond the contexts of therapeutic relationships and feeling physiologically safe from harm, the nervous system’s response to safety is what produces real, tangible results in the form of integrating and self development and growth.
This concept can be understood from a scientific and anecdotal reference point, which I’ll dive into so you can understand why creating a safe space is such an important component of the healing process not just with therapists and coaches but in all of your relationships.
Safety and the Nervous System
In the depths of our current societal model, chronic stress plagues most of us regardless of what our lives may look like. Most of us operate under the intense pressures of career, family, intimate relationships, constant news updates, and stimuli charging our brains in volumes we weren’t designed to withstand.
Sympathetic Nervous System
Chronic stress can lead to physiological responses and a major activation of the sympathetic nervous system as a result of constantly being in fight-or-flight mode. When this nervous system response is engaged it’s as if we’re being chased by a bear 24/7, allocating all of our resources to what would intentionally keep us alive if we were actually in such a dangerous situation.
During these times of chronic stress, the body can’t differentiate whether the threat that is being felt is actual or perceived, and on a cellular level it responds automatically regardless of this differentiation.
It’s why people are struggling now more than ever with sleep problems, high blood pressure, and gut issues to name a few. While the body sends all its energy and blood flow to the systems that help keep us alive in dangerous situations, the other systems get depleted and therefore suffer.
Parasympathetic Nervous System
As all of this is happening out of our control, the parasympathetic nervous system, often referred to as the rest-and-digest system, can’t regulate because it’s being deprived of the resources it needs.
When the parasympathetic system is offline, it can no longer help us go from the heightened state of arousal to a more calm state, we can’t just convince ourselves to feel safe because the key components of safety are being compromised as a result of the imbalance that’s happening internally.
When you look at this from this lens of safety, because all your resources are being dedicated to keep your human alive, it becomes impossible in this state to allow for healing and transformation. There simply isn’t the energy for this process to begin unfolding, there’s more important things to do than build new neural connections and put you in an unsteady situation.
The Science of Safety and Healing
Now that we understand that on a physiological level the parasympathetic nervous system needs to be activated in order to have the proper resource allocation for processing and feeling safe, let’s understand why safety is required for deep healing.
When you enter the rest-and-digest state, the body relaxes and the brain is primed for neuroplasticity, or the process of learning, growing, and training neural networks. This is because it’s not fighting for its life and can feel less threatened that the attention it focuses on these processes is not going to put you in harm’s way.
The actual and perceived feeling of safety is crucial if you want to work on healing past trauma and rewiring your brain to support more positive neural pathways.
Neuroplasticity and Healing
Prior to the last couple of decades, it was believed that once we reached a certain stage in our brain development, we could no longer create new neural pathways or change the way our brain functioned. To put it plainly, it was believed that we couldn’t “teach old dogs new tricks” the dogs being us.
Now we know this isn’t true, and that our brains are ever-plastic, certainly not as plastic as they are from ages 0-5 but nonetheless, certainly not static.
The process of creating new neural pathways is difficult because of how much we’ve strengthened the neural pathways that have since kept us alive. We’ve carved these paths out so well that they’re hard to let go of, but not impossible.
We can credit this to our Default Mode Network (DMN), which is responsible for the patterns of activity when we’re at rest, keeping us safe and protected. This is where the safety comes in, if your DMN has been conditioned to be in a constant state of arousal, then it will operate to protect you automatically without any conscious effort or thought.
The Role of the Default Mode Network
Real change happens when we decrease activity in our DMN and lay fresh ground to carve new pathways. As of right now this can be done quickly and effectively with the use of psychedelic substances, but this can also happen in non-psychedelic substance induced states as well, such as through breathwork, mindfulness and meditation all of which are activating the parasympathetic nervous system. In other words, we’re turning the activity in DMN down and bringing our parasympathetic system online which says “I feel safe and secure.”
When the activity in the DMN is decreased it allows for a greater likelihood of neural pathways to be created because it’s not operating as it normally does, opening up the brain for expansion to infinite possibilities.
When you use the neuroplasticity effect to your advantage you can turn on and strengthen neural pathways that support the thoughts and behaviors you wish to have. Safety is pivotal to this because the more you can activate the parasympathetic nervous system to keep your system calm, the more likely you are to be able to filter your thoughts through this primed system, the more energy and growth you’re promoting on a neuronal level.
Real Transformation Happens in Safe Spaces
Healing happens when we are able to safely reassess our traumatic experiences without the fight-or-flight response re-engaging physically in the body. Being seen and held in this space allows you to rewire the neural pathways that were created as a result of the experienced trauma to support you and reaffirm that you’re safe from danger in the present moment.
When all systems are a go and you feel safe, you can then dedicate the attention and focus necessary to integrate the traumatic experience. The process can be a strong foundation of the healing experience, relieving you from the triggered state and allowing you to see the situation from a more calm, and objective perspective with compassion. From this place you can then integrate the experience and explore new opportunities you may not have seen possible before which can be incredibly transformative.
Creating a Safe Space Takes Time, Don’t Rush It
If you’re looking to build a safe space with a coach or a therapist, be mindful of how quickly you approach emotionally charged topics. Pacing is a key component to keeping your nervous system regulated, and allowing yourself to settle into a new relationship that’s ultimately going to help you integrate your past trauma and experience.
This part can’t be rushed, look at it as the intentional pre-work before diving into the meat of the issue you’re seeking help with. It might not be a short-term gain, but the results will be long-term and sustainable when you take this approach.
A large part of this is making sure whomever you’re working with is a good fit. After each session take a moment to address how you feel after, tap into your internal awareness and sit with whatever emotions are popping up and the physical sensations associated with them.
Oftentimes, this can be a great indicator of how you’re physically responding to the relationship that you’re building. You never want to leave your session in a continued heightened state of emotions, it’s important that who you work with helps you leave each session in a centered and safe place. Pay attention to how you feel so you can make a sound decision before you get too far into the work.
Safety and healing go hand-in-hand. When you find a great fit for you (and you will), then it’s time to dive in and do the transformational healing work that you deserve to create the life and feelings you desire for yourself for the long-term.
