Something most of us face at varying scales in our lives is anxiety. It’s a common human emotion that can have positive or negative outcomes depending on our relationship with it, how we manage it, and what action we take when it arises.
As someone who has struggled with anxiety her entire life, I can first-handedly say that the process of learning and unlearning how to manage my anxiety did not come easy, and yet the time I spent trying to understand it was worth every single second.
Whether you’re someone who has an overwhelming amount of anxiety at all times, or you experience the normal anxieties of daily life, you can use this emotional experience as a catalyst to become more self-aware, and create real change in your life.
In order to get to the next level, it’s time to address the very thing you avoid.
Change your perspective on anxiety
Before we get too deep, a key element to the process is to change your perspective of how you perceive anxiety.
In our society, it’s pretty common to be met with discomfort when talking about emotions and feelings, especially being anxious. You may have heard, “just be positive” or, “you have nothing to worry about.” The fact of the matter is, neither of those things, amongst the dozens of other cliches, are actually helpful or validating to our experience.
The more we are fed this narrative, the more negatively we may feel about anxiety when it shows up, which often leads to completely rejecting it as an experience at all. Unfortunately, what we don’t feel, we also don’t heal.
Anxiety just like joy, just like excitement, is another emotion on the feelings wheel. For some people it can be that simple, and for others, it can be a life-altering experience that feels like it’s only purpose is to cause pain and hurt to us.
Before you dive into the work of examining your anxiety, consider changing your perspective on it as a whole. Going from “why is this happening to me?” to “how is this showing up for me?”
This simple shift can spark a lot of curiosity in how you’re managing the anxiety you’re feeling. It’s how you can start to convince your brain to not shut down the moment these feelings arise, but rather kick start the process of self-inquiry so you can understand it more.
Change your perspective on how you’re approaching your anxiety by not shoving it down the moment it comes up and suddenly you’ll start uncovering that it has a lot to share with you.
Anxiety: The Great Teacher
Part of my own practice with anxiety has been the act of befriending it. Sometimes when it comes up I pretend it’s a houseguest and my number one mission is to make it feel welcome and safe so it can start sharing.
The reason for this is because I know that when my anxiety is popping up, it’s because it’s trying to share something with me. Whether I’m out of alignment, I’m physically or emotionally putting myself in danger, or I’m triggered from a past trauma, my experience with anxiety is that it typically isn’t random.
My gratitude comes into play when I’m looking at anxiety from this angle. Even though I don’t know what it has to teach me yet, I know that through my process I’ll come out with more information that I can then use to move forward and make better decisions for myself that aren’t entirely fear-based.
My experience with anxiety hasn’t always been like this, it’s taken a lot of practice and self honesty. You can start by welcoming it when it comes. Actually sitting with it in discomfort and acknowledging it’s here for a reason without rejecting it.
It might sound silly, but even just showing gratitude for your uncomfortable feelings allows them to be seen, safe, and not accumulate into bigger stresses and traumas that will ultimately need to be addressed later.
Of course, it’s not always safe to practice this in the moment, so only do so if it is.
I typically have a list of questions I ask myself when I start feeling anxious:
- What sensations am I feeling right now?
- Do I feel unsafe? Out of alignment? Or have I felt this way before?
- If so, what’s causing that (name it).
- Does this feel like it needs to be expressed? What can I do if so?
Notice how all of these questions are allowing me to start to get curious about the feelings that are happening presently. There’s no analysis yet, simply a noticing and a naming to start to familiarize the self with the actual physical and emotional sensations that are occurring.
We’ll get to the analysis a little further in the process.
Digging deeper into your anxiety
Now that you’ve welcomed it, named it, and are acquainted with your anxiety, it’s time to do some deeper inquiry.
This process takes practice and finding what works for you. Try out these different options and lean into the one that feels like it’s supporting you the most effectively. Arguably, this should also have as little resistance as possible so that you can follow through especially while you’re emotionally activated.
The purpose of this part of the process is to give your anxiety a voice and let it be heard. The more you can tap into this feeling, the more you can use the information that it gives you to direct you toward your next steps.
Here are some of the practices I use frequently when trying to understand what my anxiety is trying to share with me.
Meditation
Before you get frustrated that this is the number one option, I want to mention that it’s important to find a meditation practice that works for you. Sitting still on the floor with your legs crossed, back tall, and mudra hands activated is probably not going to work for you, and that’s okay.
You can meditate walking, running, wiggling around on the floor, lying down, you name it. The key piece of meditation is that you focus your awareness on the present moment.
My personal favorite way to do this is to anchor in with music, noise canceling headphones, lying down. Whether I focus singularly on a beat or the feeling of the breath entering and exiting my nostrils is dependent on the moment, but both serve to put me in the moment and enter into the observer’s seat.
When we enter the present moment we give the nervous system cues and the space to respond more calmly in the parasympathetic state. The more the nervous system calms, the more safe it feels to express what you’re feeling.
As you’re in your meditation, use this presence to begin sinking deeper into the feelings that are arising. Follow them around and remain curious without judgment.
If your focus is lost that’s okay, just continuously bring it back to the anchor point you’re using. You’ll notice that as the mind wanders it wants to solve the problem. Be mindful that there is no problem to solve yet, just a deeper understanding to be had.
Presence and compassion are important to help you feel safe and get to the root of whatever feeling is coming up for you is trying to share with you on a greater level. The takeaway for this is to find what works for you to get present so that you can have a greater ability to understand what internally is happening.
Conscious writing
I tend to pair the practices of conscious writing and meditation together, but both can be done independently of each other. Conscious writing is one of my favorite ways to write because there’s a low barrier to entry and a lot to gain from the process.
To begin conscious writing, you’ll start by just letting whatever wants to be written be written. Sometimes it starts as “I have no idea what to write.” Over and over again. A great place to start. Eventually your conscious mind will take over and you’ll start seeing the words flow.
Don’t try to control what you’re writing and don’t worry about how fast it’s coming out. The more important part of this process is to stick with it until you feel like you have something to work with.
The more you practice this, the easier it becomes and the more information you’ll retrieve from the practice.
What’s even better about this is that at any point you can go back and read what came up, it becomes good data for you to start to see patterns, and read what you’ve written from a more grounded place. Sometimes reading our own words can be a moment for breakthroughs and big realizations, trust the process and trust that you have the information inside of you to get there.
Mindful movement
Anecdotally, sometimes anxiety strikes and the only thing that really makes sense in my body is to move it. Exercise can be a great tool to manage the feelings of anxiety and work through it at the same time.
Leaning towards activities like yoga or pilates can be helpful in this because they’re grounding while still allowing your mind to have some freedom. Running is also good in this regard or simply going for a walk.
Whatever you choose for movement, make sure it’s something where you can still be present in what your thoughts are without completely overwhelming yourself, maybe stay away from anything that’s high intensity when you’re trying to process anxious feelings with your movement.
During your active time, let yourself be aware of how the movement feels. Notice what sensations arise and how movement is enhancing them or mitigating them.
Use this time to tap into a judgment-free mindset. Similar to meditating, you can explore what’s coming up without letting it completely take over. Simply notice and observe. When you’re in motion, your body is being pumped with endorphins and feel good chemicals to help de-escalate the big feelings a bit so they have more space to exist.
I love mindful movement for working through anxiety for this exact reason, it’s somewhat of a trick on the body to keep it feeling better while you’re processing something that might be extremely difficult.
Using anxiety as a catalyst for change
You understand how your anxiety feels, you’ve gotten curious about why it’s showing up, now it’s time to use this information to integrate your findings and move forward in a meaningful way.
If you haven’t already, find some clarity around the following questions:
- Where is the anxiety coming from?
- Why is it showing up right now?
- What direction is it giving me?
When doing this work, I always suggest clients write down what they come up with. Having a written copy of your progress and the process is a great place to come back to when the feelings arise again.
Once you have some clarity around these questions, you can start to draw bigger conclusions from what’s happening.
To go back to the first part, anxiety is a teacher. It’s the ego trying to protect you from real or perceived danger. When you understand that, you can understand that it’s not because anything is wrong with you and you should continue to pretend that you never feel anxious. Instead, befriend it and understand why it’s showing up.
With the questions you’ve answered, the practices you’ve done to get curious, and the overall compassion you show toward this feeling and yourself, become aware of the experience you’re having.
For example: Maybe you’re anxious because you have a big presentation and the last time you presented your boss gave you feedback that made you feel like you did back in first grade when you got in trouble for not paying attention to the assignment.
See how multiple narratives can start playing into the current experience that aren’t directly related? That first grade version of you was really affected by that experience and now carries it around with them everywhere, including into this current life version of you.
Understanding the bigger concepts can give you a blueprint on how to go through and process the feelings that are arising.
It requires more self-inquiry, uncovering, and healing of past trauma to move forward into a more integrated version of self. This process doesn’t happen overnight, but the more you focus on where your anxiety is directing you, the more clear your blueprint will start to become to address and heal it.
Maybe the first grade version of you needs to be reminded that it’s okay if they lose focus, they’re not a bad person or bad at things because of it. When you start to believe this on a foundational level, it can be enough to overcome the overwhelming feelings that may have previously arose, now they don’t affect you as deeply because you know that experience was not a representation of who you are.
Cultivate a better relationship with anxiety
When your anxiety arises, thank it, and then allow it to show you the way. In all varying intensities of this emotion, I find that practicing this process repeatedly has changed my entire relationship with my anxiety.
No longer do I get overwhelmingly angry and defensive when it presents itself, I now have a plan in place on how I’m going to deal with it, even if not in that exact moment.
Being prepared for when anxiety strikes can be a really important skill to lean into, especially if you’re looking to overcome how your anxiety is holding you back and expand beyond the limiting beliefs of the emotion’s chokehold.
