Though we are complex beings, we are also quite simple.

For most of us, along the path of childhood to adulthood, we allow society’s opinions, ideas, and expectations of us to have a massive say in what we think, say, do, and feel. We’ve become inadvertently distanced from the voice of our truest self. 

Not on purpose, this has happened as a natural result of how the world is structured at large. With the introduction of social media into our lives, we have become deeply invested in what everyone else is doing around us, often trying to keep up as a means to fit in. Our mental health as a collective has tanked, in theory because we have lost our connection to ourselves in our attempts to keep up with the world around us.

We’ve forgotten how to ask ourselves: “What do we really want?” And then actually listen.

Through a process of going inward and revealing your soul’s truest desires, you can begin walking the path back to your true self. Let’s take a peek inside that process and discover how it can serve us in an intentional way.

Conforming is a part of our nature

Humans are social creatures and deeply desire to be seen, heard, and most importantly, accepted. It’s no wonder that throughout our lives we forego our own desires in order to meet this very basic need. 

Along the way, our lines get blurred with what we actually want and what we have been conditioned to believe we want. By no fault of our own, we stop listening to ourselves and struggle to understand why we feel so dissatisfied with our choices.

Have you ever been asked, “What do you want?” and panicked? As if that question is so impossible to answer that you short-circuit and freeze. This is part of this conformity phenomenon. Even though we do know the answer, it may not feel like we do, or we believe that what we want isn’t possible so we may as well not pretend that it is. 

Getting back in touch with your true self requires a little exploration and a lot of curiosity. Paying attention to how you’re feeling around certain areas of your life in your energetic and physical body and emotionally.

We’re not as far off as we think, we just need to pay more attention to what’s happening and how we’re internalizing it and responding.

What are your core soul pillars? 

The core soul pillar concept is the idea that everything you desire and want in your human experience is governed by a set of categories, or pillars, that are deeper and more self-connected ‘whys.’ 

When you reveal and get clarity on these categories, they can be used to make decisions ranging from small to large as a reminder of what you want and where you’re going. In the simplest way, they’re guideposts back to your soul’s truest purpose.

Revealing these core soul pillar’s takes self-inquiry and honesty. Getting honest with yourself about what’s really important to you and why. 

As part of my own exploration through this process, I’ve found that one of the most clear directions towards these pillars is my attention to where and why my anxiety arises. Which is why I coach clients through this as part of the process for uncovering what your pillars are. 

Anxiety can directly point at the truth of what your soul really wants (or perhaps what it’s not getting). The more attention you bring to your anxiety as it arises, sit with it, and let it feed you information, the clearer you’re going to start to see what you actually desire in your life. 

Of course, for most of us, what we desire versus what is our reality can have a lot of distance in between. Once you find what your core soul pillars are, then you can start to devise a plan of action on how to get closer and begin fulfilling these pillars with more intention even with small daily actions.

How to find your core soul pillars

Revealing your core soul pillars can feel overwhelming at first, especially if you’ve never assessed this concept before. We’ll go over how to get through this process so you have a functioning list of ideas that you can begin applying to your day-to-day life.

First and foremost, I invite you to start paying attention. Before we dive into some more structured ways to find your pillars, begin to notice what you are thinking about before you go to bed, or first thing when you wake up. If it helps you, keep a note in your phone or in a journal of these thoughts, without judgment. 

Part I: Self Inquiry

Use the following questions as a jump off point. Try to give 3-4 solid answers for each question so you have more to work with.

Questions to reveal your core soul pillars

• Where do you spend most of your time?
• What do you spend most of your money on?
• What do you daydream/fantasize about?
• When your best friend calls you, what do they need from you?
• You’re at a dinner party, what are you talking about with guests?
• What are your favorite memories of all time?
• If money wasn’t a problem, what would you buy right now?
• On your best day what are you doing/where are you going?
• What do you spend most of your time researching doing?
• What kind of social media accounts do you follow/get the most joy out of?

This list is certainly not exhaustive, the goal is to get you to understand what it is that’s driving your motion forward in your life. What are you doing? Who are you being? Who do you want to be? How does it look?

The more specific you can get with all of your answers, the more you’re going to reveal about your truest desires.

With each answer you give, ask yourself “is this true for me?” It’s going to take some practice to reprogram your brain out of external thinking habits to your internal compass. This is a great place to start.

Part II: Categorize into deeper purposes

Once you’ve answered with your top 4 answers for each, it’s time to categorize them.

Think of the categories as more of the underlying reason behind the actions, ideas, things you’ve listed. They’re meant to be the deeper ‘whys.’ 

For example one of my categories had the items:

• Deep meditation and self inquiry
• Psychedelic experiences
• Traveling and experiencing different cultures
• Trying/making different foods
• Deep conversations with friends/partners/clients/family members

When I sat with these all, I realized that all of them fall under the category of exploration. They all satisfy this need to want to explore and go deeper into the human experience. Even though they all take different shapes and pathways, they allow me to tap into that deep want to explore and expand. 

Some common core soul pillars:

• Freedom
• Health and wellness
• Movement
• Philanthropy
• Teacher/sage
• Design/Aesthetic
• Comfort/Coziness
• Connection/community
• Travel/exploration
• Self-care
• Humor/play
• Beauty
• Control
• Home/space

These are just examples to get you started. Name them what feels good and true for you and really encompasses the items you’ve included.

Lastly, sit with the categories and how they feel within you. You’ll know when you’ve landed on your categories because you’ll feel seen and at ease within yourself. There might be some inner excitement that comes up. There’s no right or wrong answer, this is all you, so feel into it and let it be true for you, and not be externally influenced (I cannot stress this enough)

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Using your soul pillars as a guide back to self

Finding your core soul pillars allows you to see yourself and what you really want on the most basic and intimate level. They can be great guideposts for when you feel dysregulated or like something just “doesn’t feel right.” 

Come back to your pillars often and ask yourself if what’s happening in your life is related to these and as a result you’re not being fulfilled. When you break them down to their true essence, you’ll begin to see that even small acts can add up to what they’re fulfilling within you.

To go back to my own examples of exploration, I don’t always have the bandwidth or the space to go on a journey (psychedelic or physically to a new place), but I can invite more depth in my daily conversations. I can also do little things like listen to new music, buy something at the grocery store I’ve never tried, or mix and match the items in my closet to explore a new style that feels different than my usual. 

These small acts can help me stay connected to the energy that the pillar has shown me, and in that energy, more opportunities are bound to arise to allow me to expand into the things I really want to be doing. 

Be honest with yourself and let these be a way to honor who you really are and what you really desire. Use them as guideposts, not harsh markers of what you should or shouldn’t be doing.

Also keep in mind that challenging circumstances WILL arise and you won’t always be able to or have the capacity to follow these pillars. Use them to support you through the difficult times and help guide you back to what feels good internally for you, and know that it’s also not always possible to follow them.

As we change and evolve over time, so do our pillars, I recommend reassessing every 6-9 months to see where you’re at. It can be a great reflection practice to compare them across the years as you evolve into who you are becoming and how you’ve gotten there.

I understand my core pillars. Now what?

If this process was eye opening for you, there’s a lot more that can be done with these pillars to go forward and create the life you desire to live. This is a great jumping off point into the deep work of self-awareness and self-honesty you’re cultivating.

My self-awareness workshop is currently in production and will be available at the beginning of 2024. In the meantime, I invite you to read more of the blog, or connect with me personally to talk about 1:1 coaching to catalyze your self-growth.